She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
