yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
