i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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