you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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