Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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