I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize