Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
