Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my sisters under your porch take her home
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
