she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
