i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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