don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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