Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
