i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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