I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
