Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
