If i come over, it means nothing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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