look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
