Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
