Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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