16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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