Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
