I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
