the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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