he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
