Someone shit on the floor
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
