For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
