Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
