next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
