Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
