420 ftw
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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