So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You are a genius and a whore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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