You just made me feel so damn special
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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