That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I stole a fireplace last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
