I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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