god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
