She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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