I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
