I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
