All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
