Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
