They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
