She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
