having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
