She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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