here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
