so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize