i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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