Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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