I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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