plz talk dirty to me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
