sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
