I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
