Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
