I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
