i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
