Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
