I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
