i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
