My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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