Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
