The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
