quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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