how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
