i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
