fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
