I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
