I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
