somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize