Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
