whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
