If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
