The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
