I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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