I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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