I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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