What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
