If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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