I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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