her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
