I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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