Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
