Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize