and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
