Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
