actually, I'm a sock model
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
