White coat. Heels.
I need to stop coming to work sober
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
